The maid of honor just puked.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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