Can i not drive my cunt home
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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