I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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