Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
