To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
should my penis look like a turkey
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
