Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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