I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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