i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
