I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
