I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
