Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize