My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
