Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
