evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Where is the hickey?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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