if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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