whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
True strength comes from lack of pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
