dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
