I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize