Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
