this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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