Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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