yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
