We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
