i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
