yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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