I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
