smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
