did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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