My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
