Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
