Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
