I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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