oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just cut my nipple shaving
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
