masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
