After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
