i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
