Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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