maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize