if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
