Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
