Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
