I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
