So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
