I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
