My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
