Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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