I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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