I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize