9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize