puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
