So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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