If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
