Your tits are I can't wait for
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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