if i can run in heels then i can drive
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize