can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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