I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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