just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
