I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
