i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
