Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
