ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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