tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
