Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
