Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
