I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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