its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
