Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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