Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
