You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
